Neither Introvert nor Extrovert

What am I? A question that I have been asking myself these few years. 

During my teenage years, I have always been labelled as an easy outgoing girl. I am or should I say I was much an extrovert then. Yes! I convinced myself that I was an extrovert. Just because I like to mingle around with friends. I like to be in the company of friends. I hate being alone, eat alone, shop alone, travel alone,... practically I hate doing anything and everything alone.


Could it be our character changes as we grow? Or could it be our character changes as we go through different stages of life? I have always thought I am who I am. I bet many of us do not realise that we are not what we seem to be. 

The world thinks that.....

• I am an "outgoing" or a "people person."
• I feel comfortable in groups and like working in group.
• I have many friends and I know lots of people.
• I can't sit still and I am always up and about.

Many include I myself have always passed negative connotation to introvert without trying to understand what an introvert is. 

So who am I actually? 

The answer is I am the weirdo one neither introvert nor extrovert. I am an AMBIVERT, the smart arsehole who fall smack in between the intro-extro spectrum. Wow!! Ambiverts have the best of both worlds, able to tap into the strengths of both when needed. But hey no!!! I am the weirdo one, the real weirdo one.... the failure case of ambiverts.

Who am I? What am I?

• I like to be in the crowd but I prefer to stay alone in the crowd. 
• I am definitely not quiet because I love to interact with different people. But I won't stay long in the interaction session as most the time you will see me sitting all alone immersing in my own little world after that. 
• I get easily bored. 
• I can't sit still and love to explore the world on my own basically or with someone who are of the same channel as me. 
• I love to share my thoughts and life on social media because that is the only way I can communicate and relate to my own life. 
• I hate talking to real people because I find real people very fake and they tend to judge others with their own perceptions. So by talking to social media, I can talk senses and nonsense as well and I don't have to care how people gonna judge me on social media. Go ahead... judge me whatever you want. wtf!!! 

I do believe the journey that I have been walking through for the past years has shaped to what I am today. And yet funny coz I still have not found who I am. I am just a gloriously complex and complicated being. The world is just too judgemental. You are and me too. Judgemental!!! Wtf!!!

Dora

The story of Dora..... a story that I have came across but still attached deep in my mind and heart for years.

Her name was Dora, a cancer patient who passed away on 17 January 2011. Her life has touched the heart of many people. Despite the pain and sufferings she had to endure, she never complained but with the undying spirit, she gave and spread her love to the world.


Watching few of the videos about her had me in tears. She was such an angel to everyone. No one in that age could be like her. She understood what life is all about. She knew how she should spend the remaining of her life instead of wasting it for nothing. She brought love, hope and passion into the life of those around her. 

Endless Journey

The journey has become so unpredictably scary-barry. It has come to the stage where you find practically everything is not right. You are still wandering about and about on a road that brings you nowhere. You have been through so much so that you have become very emo, pessimistic and sensitive to practically anything that cross your path.

There are so much doubts and fear. You find it hard to trust even yourself let alone trusting people around you. You do not want to face the reality anymore. On the surface, you may look strong, vibrant, cheerful, whatever that people describe you. The real you has long hidden somewhere beneath the dark seabed. You are walking with a mask on. Friends, family and many may think that you are so contented and enjoying every bit of your days. In reality, only God knows how you feel deep inside. You are not ready to let go, move on and face the world instead you keep yourself in that tiny little dark hole searching for the right time to accept all that has happened.

To open up and express yourself is not an easy task. Imagine how scare you are before and after and whether is a success or failure, the after effect is the one difficult path that you have to walk through. You are struggling with the little devil in you. You know it well. You recognize it well. Yet you ignoring it from top to bottom and left to right. You are practically avoiding it. You do not want to face it and accept the reality for reality is cruel.

There is a saying... "It's your road and yours alone. No one can walk it for you. The journey of a thousand miles begin with one little step".

You have walked that one little step though you have yet to find the right path that leads you to that rightful destination you can call yours forever. You have survived twice! All you need is to come out from that shell and draw the right journey of yours.

 

[Photo credit: http://photo.net/photodb]